GETTING READY: A domestic service company is training "confinement nurses" to care for infants. "Confinement" refers to the custom of sequestering mother and infant in the month following childbirth (GUO XULEI)

"The fact that I don't have enough time to be with my daughter made me always buy gifts for her to feel less guilty, and I found most mothers around me do the same thing," said Hong Huang, CEO of the China Interactive Media Group. "It is very dangerous. Children might gradually equate mom with gift buyer."

On June 1, 2012, Hong couldn't squeeze time in to be with her daughter for International Children's Day and was asked to buy gifts to compensate. "This time I really got worried. The nanny was spending more time with my daughter than I was and every day when I came home, my daughter was already in bed and all I could do was read story books for her until she fell asleep," said Hong, who decided to spare more time at home with her daughter.

Back to family

"Nowadays, you can hire someone to do practically anything," said Hong. In the eyes of many self-identified successful people, "Doing things on your own has become a symbol of failure."

"Moms can simply leave the kids with the nanny and go to nail salons or spas," said Hong. "Some housewives are even hiring drivers and caretakers for their kids and don't want to do anything on their own."

"It is really very hard to take care of a kid on my own," said part-time Web writer Yang Bingying on her microblog. "I can't afford to quit my day job and I have to return to the office while my son is still being breastfed. It is impossible not to ask for help from other people."

Compared to employing live-in domestic workers, Yang prefers hourly workers. "We pay only 20 yuan ($3.21) an hour for a cleaner who can also cook for no extra fee if we want," Yang said. "The only problem is that the cleaners we often turn to are becoming increasingly busy and we have to make an appointment almost one week in advance as they are always fully booked."

Ye Qing, a teacher at the Central Academy of Drama in Beijing, used to reject domestic workers out of concern for safety. "I can't accept a stranger staying at my home and it is very hard to find a reliable one," Ye said. "It is more difficult to find a good domestic worker than a husband."

But things changed when Ye had her second baby in 2010. Her older son was not yet old enough to attend kindergarten and her husband's work entailed long overseas trips. She had no choice but to ask one of her friends to help her find a reliable helper.

For a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan ($480) including food and accommodation, Ye found Xiao Qiang, a middle-aged rural woman from Shanxi, to take care of her children.

For more than two years, Xiao was a part of Ye's family. "She was a bad cook but we all liked her. My 2-year-old son couldn't live without her," Ye said.

In Beijing, there are more than 200,000 registered domestic workers like Xiao. According to data provided by a research group co-founded by the International Cooperation Center of the National Development and Reform Commission and a local domestic service company, 800,000 out of more than 6 million households in the city have a need for domestic services. This figure does not include the demands of single people living alone.

While with the increasing number of family affairs placed in the hands of outsiders, many people have begun to question the impacts of outsourcing on family life.

"I think modern people are becoming less confident and increasingly lazy," said a father surnamed Zhang in Beijing. "We've lost the natural ability to take care of our own children."

Three years ago, Zhang quit his job in finance and became a full-time father after his daughter was born. "The pleasure of seeing my daughter growing up each day can't be replaced by anything," he said.

"There are obvious pros and cons when it comes to outsourcing, especially when it comes to hiring domestic helpers, and for some people it may be a matter of necessity rather than desire," Ye said.

Email us at: yuanyuan@bjreview.com