Chen taught her mother how to access news with a smartphone but didn't give instructions on how to use WeChat and Weibo. "I still wanted to keep my life at some distance from my parents as I knew they would definitely follow my Weibo and WeChat accounts as soon as they were able to."

But Chen later found out that her mother used her cousin's phone to check her Weibo and WeChat accounts.

"I am afraid that when my sight gets worse, I won't be able to see your posts anymore," Chen's mother told Chen, who realized her mother just wants to know what was going on in her life.

"I was selfish to consider my own feelings but ignore my parents' needs," Chen said. "They need company and are eager to know what I am up to."

Now Chen and her mother interact actively on WeChat and Weibo.

Tong Yao, a 23-year-old student at Wuhan University in Hubei Province, regrets adding her mom on WeChat, however.

"My mom overreacts on almost everything I share," Tong said. "One time I posted that I might have a fever, my mother even planned to fly to Wuhan and take me to the hospital."

"I told her it was just a fever and she didn't need to freak out, but my mom said that she couldn't help it," said Tong, who set up a group on WeChat for her friends that excludes her mother. "We are already adults, but our parents still treat us like little kids."

Niu Yanqing, a 52-year-old mother from Chongqing, said that her son is a good boy, but he hasn't talked with her and her husband much since he started attending a university in another province. "He only calls back once a month and hangs up the phone within two minutes," she complained.

After Niu learnt that her son was active on some social networking services, she quickly bought a smartphone and kept track of her son's accounts secretly. "I am happy to see him updating his diary every day but also fear that he will find out I am spying on him."

"My mom would not reply on WeChat but would call me immediately when she thinks I am not in a good mood," said another student from Wuhan University who asked to be identified as Xiao Zhang.

One day after Xiao Zhang shared a popular South Korean actress' picture on WeChat, his mother thought it was his girlfriend and called him to ask about her.

"I was speechless," said Xiao Zhang, whose aunts and uncles are also on WeChat. "They always share the posts that encourage young people to work hard. Articles like that make me feel like I am a lazy person with no hope for the future."

Better understanding

"Keeping away from your parents on WeChat and other social networking services is not a problem with the apps. It reflects the communication gap between family members in real life," said Zhu Waner, a psychologist at Zhejiang University.

"For today's youth, social networks are like the diaries of the past. Just like teenagers used to lock their diaries, young people want to keep their posts on social networks away from the eyes of their parents."

For Zhu, secretly following a child's social networking accounts is inadvisable. "Both parents and children should find an effective method of communication and learn more about each other's thoughts and feelings."

"Why would we keep parents out of our social media accounts?" said Chen Mingxin, a student at the Beijing-based Communication University of China. "Why can't we show them a happy and healthy life and let them know more about us this way?"

Chen Mingxin said that he used to feel weird seeing his parents make comments on his posts online. His classmates even joked with him during chats on social networks by saying, "Oh, your mother is watching you! Should we stop?"

"But one day when my mother consulted me on a relative's options for university, it sounded like they really cared about and respected my opinion," Chen Mingxin said. "At that moment, I realized I was already an adult and should shoulder some family responsibilities. If either my parents or I need to change, why shouldn't I take the initiative?"

Thirty-five-year-old Han, who only gave his surname, is from Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region and works in Chongqing. Han said that his father asked him to teach him how to send short messages with his cellphone before he left Xinjiang after the Chinese Lunar New Year holiday.

"It is easy for me to do, but it took my father a long time to learn and he finally became impatient and frustrated," Han said.

The next day, several hours after Han took on the train, he got the first short message from his father. It read, "I used up two batteries to learn how to send messages. Sorry for my anger yesterday. You take care and remember to drink milk every day."

"Our parents, who used to support us with their strong wings, suddenly turn out to be slow and cautious. It is time for us to protect their hearts and their feelings," Han said.

Email us at: yuanyuan@bjreview.com