(LI SHIGONG)

Understanding the concept of mianzi or "face" in China is imperative. It's the mysterious language used at every social gathering or business meeting. The giving and receiving of face, in short, is what makes China "go round."

It's dangerously easy to strip somebody of face without being aware of it. Whilst talking to a hostel owner in Lijiang, a friend of mine from north China asked the man where he was from. "Fulan", he replied. "Fulan zai nali?" my friend asked, perplexed. Having spent four months in Changsha, capital of central China's Hunan Province, I figured that he was from Hunan. In Hunan "h" becomes "f" and "n" becomes "l," and vice versa. I told my friend that he meant to say "Hunan" and let the owner know that I was familiar with the way they speak. In an innocent attempt to show off, I started telling him other things about the way the Hunanese talk. When we left, my Chinese friend told me that the man had definitely lost face, having had his pronunciation "analyzed," "joked about" and "corrected" by a foreigner. I didn't see it that way but she insisted that it was the way the Chinese saw it.

When a Chinese office worker and his boss ganbei, or bottoms up, the office worker's glass always touches the lower part of the boss' glass. It's just a straight forward and transparent way to show who is on a "higher level." Most Chinese turn a blind eye to any "mistakes" made by foreigners in this respect. Nonetheless, as the example above shows, there are still plenty of ways to make somebody's face turn red.

"Face" is not a concept exclusive to China, of course. On a primitive level, everybody enjoys gaining face. I'd rather park outside a busy restaurant in a Ferrari. Everybody is guilty of prejudice and the man who gets out of the Ferrari will be perceived to be successful and wealthy. He has done nothing and without uttering a single word is rolling around in the adulation of the people.

In China, the dynamics of "face" are not the same as the West. On a train journey from Kunming, Yunnan Province, to Changsha, I met two Chinese men. One was a student, the other, a salesman. The salesman was dressed very well, had a shiny watch and all the latest gadgets. At one point the student said, "Just by looking I can tell you have money." The man replied, "I bought my iPad because it's useful, but the watch and the Blackberry are just for face, I don't even know how to use the thing." The conversation flowed onward without pause. I was amazed. Even though sometimes it is obvious that something has been done or said to gain face, never had I heard somebody admit doing something for face so matter-of-factly. Later, I would come across similar instances. At a restaurant, a man said quite seriously to a woman who was planning her exit­, "Could you just stay, give us some face?" Everybody in the restaurant heard. In the West, people would cringe. Not in China. I found my eyes searching frantically around the room for another confused face without any luck.

Why does face play such an important role in China? At first, I thought that it could only be because China has developed much faster economically than it has socially. This results in a new class of "nouveau riche," who have never had money before and are therefore not very modest or humble in the way they spend it. Not long ago, nobody had much money, so now some people do shout it from the rooftops. It's quite understandable and in no way a slur on the Chinese.

But it may not all be down to economics. In general, the education system does not reward critical or creative thinking. In Chinese schools, what matters is being correct and not making mistakes. Mistakes are not seen as things you learn from, but things which show how stupid you are. The quest to gain face is an important one but first and foremost, you must ensure that you do not lose face.

It can be argued that China is a conformist society. Many believe that they shouldn't do or say things that are out of the ordinary and get them noticed. Doing something stupid or strange that brings attention to yourself and makes others think you are not a normal conforming person means losing face.

It's impossible to fathom exactly what you need to do to gain face, or indeed to avoid losing it. When I got to China, I was surprised at the way some men seemed happy and indeed obliged to carry their partner's handbag around. I thought it illustrated a clear loss of face. I've discussed this with different Chinese people and got mixed responses. Some say it makes the man look good and he gains face by being the "good boyfriend," and some say the man loses face by looking weak and subservient. Like most things in China, it's interesting to find out about, but you are fighting a losing battle if you intend to totally understand it.

Over the next couple of generations, when being in a comfortable financial position will not be an alien concept to most Chinese, it will be fascinating to see if the dynamics of mianzi in China will change. We will find out whether it is all about the economic development or something hidden deeper in Chinese society. The answer will be bits of both. For now though, just be aware that "face" is to many the single most important thing and you may find that there are many rewards to reap by being generous when dishing it out!

The author is a Briton living in China

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