"Where are you going Teacher Aaron?" The person yelling out the question was a student of mine. I was seated in the front of a public bus, and he was sitting at the rear. I looked at the student and held my index finger up close to my mouth to give a be-silent signal. I then looked away without saying a word. Later that day I told the student that it is not polite to yell in public unless there is an emergency. Conversations should be pleasantly shared only between the parties involved. As a teacher, I felt it my duty to explain the meanings behind verbal and nonverbal messages.

Communication theorist Albert Mehrabian suggests that people rely more on nonverbal communication (55 percent) and less on verbal (45 percent), to obtain actual meanings when messages are sent. In fact, we send messages constantly, most of the time without being aware of doing so.

One day, in Hunan Province, I hurried into a typically crowded KFC, when a female European suddenly blocked my path and loudly asked, "Are you American?" I paused and nodded. She smiled with a wide, lopsided grin; her blue eyes vacillated between mild curiosity and accusation, as she then loudly demanded, "So, what are you doing here...in China?" She had detached herself from a seated group of other foreigners, clearly English teachers at one of the nearby universities. As many people milled around us, my initial reaction was to recoil away from this loud-talking stranger, springing an impromptu interview that felt like an interrogation. I did not know her, and there had been no small talk or any polite conversational opening. Her approach and style were offensive. I sidestepped around her and waved the universal "Goodbye" sign, as I proceeded to the food counter. Clearly I had no more words to say to this person and wanted to get as far away from her as possible. The fault could be that I am from a community of people who do not particularly like loud talk, especially when in public. Such behavior has always been a sign of the lower class.

I have met many kind Chinese people, receiving help through many difficult situations. People usually will stub out their cigarettes, while riding buses, when politely asked. However, sometimes direct "help" is not required, but indirect help through accurate information may be appropriate. Credibility and good manners are important basic elements in building bridges or trust in relationships. "Actions speak louder than words."

When I first came to work in China, a young Chinese man, who was not a local from the area, told me that Chinese people did not drink coffee, only tea. When I inquired about locating a tennis or golf facility, the same person told me that the city did not have these activities. "Chinese people are too poor for such sports," he said. A few days later while looking at the apartment I was to move into, I noticed there was no showerhead, only a pipe sticking out of the wall. I complained about the lack of an adequate shower, and the young man looked at the bare, protruding pipe extending from the wall in the bathroom, laughed and said, "This is the way that people must shower in China. It is not like your hotel."

For several days I began to wonder if I had landed on a strange planet. However, my comfort level definitely increased when I found, through my own personal efforts, at least four major coffeehouses in the community. I also found two driving ranges for golf practice, and joined an outstanding tennis facility that rivals many at home in the United States. When I spoke to the person in charge of my apartment directly, I was able to have a proper showerhead installed, as well as, a hot-water heater. Soon afterward I was a dinner guest with other Chinese people inside and outside the academic circle, and it became quite clear to me that their lifestyle was comfortable and not lacking certain necessities.

Yes, I have found many good things here in China, and people come and go with all manner of intentions and behaviors. Life is for learning with all sorts of adventures, just like anywhere else in the world. So, if or when a person approaches me with gross generalizations, or bad manners, I try to practice the old adage: "Take it with a grain of salt!" As teachers and professional communicators, it is a good idea to "practice what we preach!"

The author is an American living and teaching in China