In January 2010, Jiangsu TV released a dating show called You Are the One. A ratings success, the program featured 24 single women vying for the attention of one bachelor all at the same time. After three selection rounds, whittling down the contestants according to his taste, the man could opt to leave alone or with a female guest on his arm. The program, as well as its participants' opinions, soon became the talk of the nation.

Back then, 18-year-old Liu Chen was preparing for her high school entrance examination, and her mother was one of the show's loyal viewers. "My mother said I should partake in the program in the future as she believed it to be a highly effective way to meet my Mr. Right—as long as I wouldn't be as picky as those women," Liu recently told Beijing Review.

But Liu no longer wants to follow her mother's advice. Now, she prefers dating apps to dating programs.

"Today, I like to meet potential boyfriends and develop intimate relationships through blind dates and dating apps," she laughed, adding that she still believes in love, but it might not be in the cards for her. She left her hometown, a small city in Zhejiang Province, obtained a master's degree from a UK university, and started working in Beijing in 2018.

Following a break-up in 2021, she registered on dating apps and mini-programs on China's multi-purpose social media platform WeChat. They recommend several profiles to her every day based on her preferences, including educational background, location and hobbies.

Thanks to big data, "this way of dating gives me the freedom and right to choose," she said. "We talk on platforms that protect our privacy and can meet offline to develop an increasing mutual understanding. Of course, either of us can decide to stop the connection at any time, which is another advantage."

"What I want is a romantic relationship that can make me a happier or better person," she said. "I have a peaceful state of mind because I'm happy with my current situation, even though most of my friends are in relationships."

Qian Yue, an associate professor with the Department of Sociology at the University of British Columbia, told Lifeweek that people opting for online dating belong to a young and well-educated group, who at the same time often come up with more specific criteria about the prospective partner and are unwilling to compromise.

The purpose of love

Guo Wei, a 28-year-old doctor in Nanjing, Jiangsu Province, has been between belles for half a year. "There's a popular saying: Relationships that don't end in marriage are all a waste of time. I agree with this—to some extent."

Different from Liu, he gave up on online dating opportunities and attaches more importance to offline activities. The latter is more real, he explained. Now, he encourages his mother, who retired two years ago, to visit the ad hoc matchmaking corner in the park, a way for middle-class parents to seek out potential partners for their children.

"I wish for a stable relationship that can develop into marriage," he said.

But how come a doctor, one of the most popular professions on the dating market, cannot find a girlfriend?

"I am busy with work and my friends have said my standards are rather high," he told Beijing Review, stressing his so-called "requirements" are, in fact, pretty reasonable. "I hope to find a girlfriend under 30, who is highly educated; not necessarily highly paid, but with a stable job, and taking up an active role in the relationship."

Here, a keyword appears: 30. Confucius once said a man should be independent by the age of 30, which means that people should be established by that time. However, on the dating market, that age initiates the "devaluation" of women for various reasons—like fertility.

According to Qian's research, men aged 25 to 40 tend to look for women aged 22 to 30. They also highlight education, which would make their partners better mothers.

He further told Lifeweek that women, regardless of their age, hope for age gaps of less than three years between partners, and they consider education to represent knowledge, interests and common topics. A recent China Women's News report on single women aged 30 and above shows this age group prioritizes mutual respect, followed by personal hygiene, common hobbies and a similar outlook on life and love. Over 60 percent of interviewees expressed they would never compromise their views for love or marriage, fully aware this constitutes a major reason for their being single.

Qian's research also indicates a change in the Chinese youth's approach to love. For instance, many young people think it's vital to "have a lot to talk about," that is, to get along well. This phrase wasn't, and isn't, popular with older generations who place more value on virtues such as being self-motivated, filial and family-oriented, he said.

Although young people's views on relationships have changed, they actually aren't that far removed from their parents' opinions, Qian said, adding their criteria still relate to aspects like family, upbringing and income.

Single and happy

In addition to changing perceptions about their Mr. or Ms. Right, many young people regard being single as a normal lifestyle choice.

The marriage registration data recently released by the Ministry of Civil Affairs showed the 2021 figures had dropped to their lowest point since 1986.

"The single life has become a global trend. Firstly emerging in Northern Europe, where the number of people living alone will soon surpass half the population, it has expanded to other continents, including North America and Asia. Compared to others, the Chinese people, growing up in the oriental mindset, still prefer getting married," well-known Chinese sexologist Li Yinhe told Global Times.

But the single trend has nevertheless affected China, she said, adding it attributed to women overthrowing the traditional order, one supported and dominated by men.

As the only child at home, this young generation has found various ways to cope with loneliness, and knows how to make life as colorful as possible, Liu added. "Instead of looking for a lifelong companion, I choose to focus more on work, which in turn can guarantee a happy golden age a few decades from now."

Liu has had long and intense discussions with her mother about whether getting married and being a mother are indispensable life experiences. "After several rounds of going back and forth, she eventually surrendered and said, 'I can't understand your opinions, but I respect your choices.'"

"Some pushier parents still pressure their children to get married, especially in the rural areas. But those young people who have left their hometown and settled down in the cities, no longer need to meet their parents' expectations and can hold different opinions toward life," Li said.

(Printed edition title: Roaming for Romance)

Copyedited by Elsbeth van Paridon

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